Accept My Apology?

I would sincerely like to apologize for my last post. I was in a terrible mood to start my day off and everything that happened within that day just made it worse.

Today, I woke up in a bad mood but told myself it would be a good day. We're working on that part. So far I'm doing a pretty good job. All caught up at work. Waiting for people to come in so I can check them in and let them be on their way. Just bored out of my skull...

Have you ever just wanted to feel....well, wanted? Needed? Appreciated? I did something that I thought was a great gesture this morning...and actually got in trouble for it...simply because I had to wake him up for it to work. Story time!!!

We were at his dad's house last night having a bonfire...in case you were unaware, last night was extremely cold! The fire was either too hot or not hot enough and around 4 a.m. or so we went into the house. I fell asleep almost the moment we got inside. He tried to stay awake all night just watching the fire (why he didn't just pour a damn bucket of water on it...I don't know.) He fell asleep around 5:30 or 6 in the morning. By 7:20 this morning, I woke up...sore and exhausted from the awkward position I was in on the couch. I proceeded to take everything to the car, tell his dad goodbye, then woke him up to go back to his apartment, or (what I thought was more important) back to his bed. APPARENTLY NOT!!! He fought me about getting up and then didn't talk to me all the way home. I got him home and in bed...once he was there he was lovable again....I THINK HE IS HAVING HIS FIRST PERIOD!!!!

I woke up, showered, did my hair (which if you know me...that's not something that I generally do....EVER...), and then I came to work...I'm pretty peachy right about now...I need something to do tonight or tomorrow though...I'm already bored with today...great mood and nothing to spend it on...blah

If This Ain't Love then How Do We Get Out?!?!?!?!?!

Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?!
Why do I go on and on and on and on for him? Why do I go to the point of telling him that if we were to get back together I would practically bury myself in a pit of fucking shame and let him do whatever he wishes??? WHY?!?!

it's love......downright, pathetic, outrageous, hateful, beautiful, glorious, wonderful LOVE!

It makes no sense, day after day, watching everyone around me having babies, getting married, or even just being happy with their life and the way they're growing...

I hate mine.
I'm not growing.

I'm not the type of person to try to take the easy way out and go kill myself...so nobody needs to worry about that. However, if someone were to walk up to me holding a knife or gun...I probably wouldn't say stop or no at this point in my life.

It's stupid to be afraid of death, that's a top ten opinion of mine.

That is all...