If This Ain't Love then How Do We Get Out?!?!?!?!?!

Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?!
Why do I go on and on and on and on for him? Why do I go to the point of telling him that if we were to get back together I would practically bury myself in a pit of fucking shame and let him do whatever he wishes??? WHY?!?!

it's love......downright, pathetic, outrageous, hateful, beautiful, glorious, wonderful LOVE!

It makes no sense, day after day, watching everyone around me having babies, getting married, or even just being happy with their life and the way they're growing...

I hate mine.
I'm not growing.

I'm not the type of person to try to take the easy way out and go kill myself...so nobody needs to worry about that. However, if someone were to walk up to me holding a knife or gun...I probably wouldn't say stop or no at this point in my life.

It's stupid to be afraid of death, that's a top ten opinion of mine.

That is all...